insomnia

suffering insomnia
for the pass 2 weeks
all because of u
all i wan is just a simple love life
a text message in the morning
a text message before you sleep
in between
you tell me you have classes and cant reply me
you tell me when you study you dun want people to disturb you
last time, it was like more than 50 sms per day
but now, it was less than 20 sms per day

i'm so worry
that you gonna treat your friends better than me
i'm afraid that they'll replace me
the one who bring you happiness
the one who brings you sweet and helps you to de-stress
its not me anymore
i'm so afraid that i'm the one that giving you annoying feel
disturbing feel, hate, avoid,dislike. moody etc.
all i want is just to give support to you when you need someone else
and i'll get your comfort when i need someone else
but what i get is
u're over reacted
lol
i'm over reacted for the person i love
if you want me to treat you cold
not replying messages
i'm sorry i cant do it
that is just so not me
i'll feel guilty if i need you to wait for my reply
not saying waiting for calls and text messages
i did that all the time
just to wait for your good night sms
i cant sleep for the whole night
calling 20 miss calls to you
texting 10 sms to you
just to wanna make sure of your safety
but no reply, no answer from you
there's once
i even call his friend to ask whether he is with them
and all he think of is i'm checking him
i dun trust him
did not commented
admitted its my fault
but do you know how i feel all this while?
you dun care

i worry bout your studies
you worry bout your own studies
then who is gonna worry bout mine?
did you ever think of me?
did you ever make all your promises come true?
and i'm still the nerdy one to trust you once and once again
knowing that you're lying to me?
i dun ask doesn't mean i dun know
for you, not telling me and use another reason to tell me just to hide things to prevent from being worst
but do you know what?
ur hiding makes me feel u did something wrong behind my back
i keep it to myself
i dun tell you
i dun show you sometimes
but i do care
stupidly tell myself
its ok. dun angry bout him
STUPIDLY
that's because i feel its worth
lying to myself just for you

friends gave me two words
1.you deserve it
maybe i really do?
2.should love yourself more.
but i'm loving you more.
do you know?
do you have the same feeling as mine?
if you treat your friends even better than treating me
why dun i just be your friend to get the same treatment as them?
i wanna be your special one
i wanna be the irreplaceable one
can?
am i the one?
how can i love you so much
even its hurtful
even its painful and cause heart attack sometimes
but just wanna let you know
i do love you
and i dun hope u'll give up our relationship
i'll stay until i cant reali stand anymore
where's my limit?

*pens off*

emo emo emo
sigh
but what to do?
i chose this