Depression

recently
i'm into depression
i still remember
the last meal i've eaten is on wednesday night
during alpha
but on wednesday
i've started to face problem
for sleeping eating and crying
every night i have sleepless night
nobody to accompany me
until i nidda find my mum at 1am
and my mum accompany me for an hour
to chat with me on the phone
finally around 3 am i manage to get some sleep
i have the best mum ever..!!
sorry for making mummy worry
i'll be fine soon mummy..!!
dun worry about me ok?
i will try not to let you down.
you're the best mum ever..!!!

and crying
i think i've broken my own record
i can cry in just 5 seconds of thinking things
and everytime i cry can be few hours??
i tried crying in the church's toilet, behind the class, in my room, in the hostel's toilet, on my table, yee khee's room, on the bus, in the library, in the library's toilet......
its like every where i went before..!!!
omg~
but finally officially on today, in the morning
my heart felt damn pain
its like a stone on it
damn pain n depressed
i felt crying
but my tears cant roll out
maybe it has already dried up in my heart?

depression is really a kinda suffer sickness
maybe mental sickness more appropriate
i've gone through it for almost 4 days
i've no appetite for food
when i see a bowl of food
i felt wanna vomit
my weight dropped 4 kg drastically by the first week
homesick + depression + stress + unable to adapt
its really suffering

but finally
today i felt better already
i went to church in the morning
normally i dun go service
but today just all in the sudden
i felt like going
first to cure boredom le
finally i did felt better
thx to sheren alot
she accompanied me quite alot
although i nearly cry when i talk to her
but i still can stand my tears
fortunately

the next one to thx is my dear yik mun
she did accompany me alot
alot alot till i keep bothering her'
even during her movie she oso nidda sms with me
hoping i won feel lonely and think simply
these few days reali nidda thx to her alot
i reali very fortunate to have her as my fren my accompany
now i'm feeling better
reali appreciate her alot alot
remember next time when dear have any problem
can text me any time
i'll be there for you

the last to thx
my boy
although he is the one giving me bitter
but he is also the one giving me sweet
he tried very hard to give me confidence
but i still wanna thx my boy
because he did not leave me
although i'm having minor "mental problem"
lets try hard together to adapt everything k?
i can face it
i can cope with it
i can overcome it
with you with me, beside me
i'm sure i'll be alright
thx alot for this special present
i appreciate it alot
i'll always be there for you too

after this, its a new week
i hope i can have a normal life back
dear lord, please give me strength
to walk out from this darkness
give me courage to adapt every changes
i will be strong. i wanna be strong
i'm forced to be strong.

*pens off*

i have the best family
the best lover
and the best friends
TQ lord for all these presents