~Lost in UMS~

hey..

its time to update my blog again...

n dis time...

its no mur happiness...

its no mur smile...

bt is all emo n depressed feelings...

thr r alot of thoughts here in my mind...

i'm worried...

worried i cant catch up to my studies...

my wrk...

i'm a person tat kenot reali plan well...

especially planning my time...

its reali a big no no for me...

i dislike planning...

if i plan, sure it won b carried out as planned...

everythg nidda depend on my mood eventually...

as i noe if i plan sure thr oni b delays... sigh~

i'm depressed...

over here..

thr r so many ppl...

bt oni 2 conditions will happen...

condition 1..

thr r so many ppl in ur surroundings, but non of them is ur fren...

u'll feel lonely, scared...

condition 2..

thr r so many ppl but all of it is oni hi bye frens..

its not close fren or true fren...

u cant take off their mask...

u won noe wat is their motive...

u'll be self protected...

from them to prevent being hurt...

tat's wat i'm doing...

but when u're too good to one, hoping they'll treat u as their gud fren...

one stabbed n u're lefted no whr...

i dislike dis feeling..

its strange yet hurtful...

i dowan it to b wid me...

please get off my place!!

i dislike uni life...

everyone is on their own..

selfish n "fu yan"...

mayb they dowan u to exceed them??

or mayb they dowan u to copy them???

or mayb they oso being self protecting??

i'm struggling wid my assignments...

durin form 6, thr is ntg lidat...

its new to me...

but those lecturer oni give me the title, no mur explanation...

expecting us to noe everythg in their mind...

wat they wan n how they wan...

even group mates...

i haven even settle my own prob..

being a leader, i nidda settle theirs 1st..

others leaders izit doin so???

i wonder...

bt if ur members oso duno..

n d leader oso duno...

i feel its a failure for being a leader..

n i'm one of them i thk...

i may have d leadership to lead bt its whn planning or organizing...

but not in assignments or studies...

i'm sry to my groupmates for being such leader...

uni life..

too many thoughts...

n its not as easy as you tot

its a hard time here...

mix feelings...

complicated mood n expressions...

n all d time, esp weekdays i'll b moody...

cz of my course wrk...

for taking 9 subj wid coco...

i dislike seeing ppl slow or delay while organizing n planning...

delay n having meetings without an ending...

tat's a waste of time!!!

i feel time is not enuf...

i wanna start wrk but how???

i reali duno wat d lecturer wants...

people from other courses so bzy preparing...

i'm like d 1 wid lotsa time...

omg~~~

n those interact based classes...

i reali hate..

ppl jz bla out rubbish to get marks from d lecturer..

n those rubbish r their opinions...

izit those tat dun open their mouth will not score an A?

those tat speak language tat ppl dun und will score an A?

this is uni?????

i'm lost in direction...

i'm lost in my way to my future...

can i pass tru dis??

is there any1 to help me??

will god please send me an angel to help me here...

i noe god will lead rite??

u'll find silent angel to guide me rite??

*pens off*

mayb from my outside i may not be crying

tat's cz i nidda let ppl noe i'm strong frm d outside

but actually i'm mentally weak from d inside

all i need is jz a fren to share n have group studies

revise together

but they'll jz thk too much

isn't it so hard?

i jz nid a fren to b not so lonely here

i dislike being LONELY~

dis feeling is so so so YUCKS!!!